The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Randomize
