Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
