I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
