Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
