Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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