You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
