3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
