At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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