even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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