Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
