those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
50% drunk capacity currently
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
