a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
