I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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