can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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