Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
