im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Non-Jews are for practice
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize