Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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