dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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