you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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