Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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