Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
