I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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