Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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