Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
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