she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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