Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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