Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize