Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
