just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
