Where is the hickey?
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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