I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
