Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
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