We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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