i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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