So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
