i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
you will always have a special place in my vag
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
