I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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