You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
The Olympian is in my bed
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