I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
