Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You can't just leave with hair like that
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
