I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
