I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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