I wish I could punch you in the face.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Enjoy the penises
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
