I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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