My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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