I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I just found puke in my bra..
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
