At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize