I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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