I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
