We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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