Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
