Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
