I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
