God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
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