bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
