Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Drunk is not a location!
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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