I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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