dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
This is my gift to your gina
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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