this beer tastes like vomit already
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
