I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
