ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize