I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
