everyone is single if you try hard enough
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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