The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
