U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
