Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
