one might say we're banned from that church
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
