i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
