If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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