So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
