he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
