once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
