I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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