The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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