What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
We have started to decorate penises.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Randomize
