Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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