My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
