Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
