im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
