ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
