Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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