Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
