UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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