were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
