Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
She said her name was "party"
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
