One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize