Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
