If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
