Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
