Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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