They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
