im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
