she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
