Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
