Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize