Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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