so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
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