it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
