I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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