he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
