I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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