I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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